First Baptist Church of Glenarden

GRACE - Fall 2017

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Grace Magazine | www.fbcglenarden.org 31 hadn't been to church in over a year but suddenly the urge to go was overwhelming. That voice in my head said, "Are you kidding? Of all days to decide to go back to church, you pick today? You can't take that little baby out in this weather!" I laid back down convincing myself that church would probably be cancelled anyway. "Oh well, I'll just wait to start going to church again next Sunday." But that urge would not go away. Maybe I'll just ride over and see if it's open. The Lord knew what was coming and was letting me know "Child, you're going to need me like you've never needed me before." I hopped up, cleaned off my car and slowly made my way to First Baptist Church of Glenarden where I got a Word that I didn't know at the time I would be clinging to for dear life in the weeks to come. At first, I wallowed in my grief and despair, crying to the Lord to understand why He couldn't just give me a little more time with my baby. "If I couldn't have him for a lifetime, couldn't You just give me 15 years, or five years even, I would even take six months, Lord. How could you be so cruel to take him when You did?" One day, I woke up in the middle of the night with an answer from the Lord. Who says I was ever promised a lifetime? Maybe it was supposed to be two months, or two days, or maybe my other option was to have him for two minutes. Who says I was guaranteed anything over three months? Suddenly my whole world changed. My cry became "Thank you Lord for every minute, every second that you blessed me with my son's presence. I am so honored that you chose me to be his mother. Thank you for the three months that you gave him to me. I will cherish every moment." Over the days and weeks to come, God gave me what I needed to get up each day, to lay down each evening and to put one foot in front of the other. Before, I thought I would literally die of a broken heart, but each day I woke up astonished that I was still here. I realized the importance of having a church family to prop you up when you need it. First Baptist became that church for me. It was amazing that at the lowest time of my life, I was feeling closer to God than I ever had before. All of a sudden, the words of the Bible jumped out at me and had new meaning! A long time passed and I found out that we were blessed to be expecting again. I couldn't wait to get home and tell my husband. As I swung the door of the doctor's office open, giddy and walking on cloud nine with my newfound secret, I ran smack into the babysitter of old … literally. She looked so horrified to see me and if the ground could have opened up, she would have gladly jumped in. My first thought was how dare she intrude on this special moment when I just got this great news. I didn't want to think about her and all the feelings it would bring back. But in that split moment, I knew that it wasn't a coincidence, but a God incidence that brought us both to this moment. Bravely, I reached out and grabbed her and hugged her. Without a word, she collapsed into my arms and we just stayed that way for a little while. I could feel the weight lift from her shoulders. You see, I never realized that she was going through her own hurt and pain, just as I was. My tragedy was her tragedy. She needed to be forgiven and I needed to forgive. Even though the cause of death was SIDS, we both were carrying the guilt of what we could have done differently. God had been ordering our steps all along and bravely, we both could now move forward. If you ask me today, I will tell you "I AM BRAVE." What does it mean to be brave? It means to be ready to face whatever challenges or pain come your way. This life is not promised to us without its share of challenges and pain. You live; they will come. Being ready is the key. Keeping Christ as the foundation of your life is key. God got me ready and helped me be brave that Sunday before the most tragic day of my life. He pulled me back in His arms and it was then that He carried me. G Vilinda C. McCann Contributing Writer

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