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Grace Magazine | Fall 2014 14 What's Love Got to Do With It? – Teen Dating Violence By Aisha N. Hilliard Most teenage dating relationships are fun, easygoing and carefree. However, for some teens, their dating relationship can be a living nightmare, due to behavior known as teen dating violence. TDV is physical, verbal, sexual or psychological/ emotional abuse that takes place in a teenage dating relationship. This abuse can be actual or threatened and can occur in person or through electronic outlets such as email or social media. Unfortunately, many cases of TDV go unreported because young ladies feel scared, ashamed or they fear losing what they perceive as love from the person abusing them. Any time your dating partner makes you feel scared, threatened or controlled, you are experiencing a form of abusive behavior. The following are some warning signs to look for. Physical abuse is anything that physically hurts, including: • Punching • Slapping • Biting • Hair-pulling • Kicking • Pushing Verbal abuse is words that hurt, including: • Name calling • Threats • Cursing • Constant insults Sexual abuse consists of: • Unwanted touching • Pressure to have sex • Forced sexual advances Emotional/psychological abuse includes words and actions that diminish a person's self-confidence, such as: • Checking your phone calls, texts or emails • Constantly accusing you of cheating or flirting • Keeping you away from your friends and family • Subjecting you to erratic mood swings Physical and emotional pain is not love. Love should not hurt or make you feel bad. "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged" (1 Corinthians 13:4- 5 NLT). This is our instruction on how we should love others, as well as how others should love us. We are also commanded to "love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31). If one is living by this command, he will not lay a hand on you, threaten or belittle you. These actions do not demonstrate godly love. Just as God has instructed us how to love others, He has also proven His love for us. Therefore, we do not need to look for love in a man because we have the everlasting love of our heavenly Father. 1 John 3:1 states, "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God." God's love for us is amazing! This Scripture tells us that we are part of God's family. Think about how much you love your parents and your family. God loves you even more, and He loves you unconditionally. In fact, the Bible tells us, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). You are a child of God and He loves you no matter what. You are precious to Him and He values you. "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. "Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" (Luke 12:6-7 NIV). Do not let someone else's actions cause you to question your self-worth. Recognize who you are in the eyes of God. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, tell someone immediately and get help. If you do not feel comfortable talking to someone you know, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE. | G |