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Facilities Manager | november/december 2014 | 37 tion, at the same time suggests you have some things in common. Now you have two decisions to make; will you let him in (behavioral) and will you consider him as a person or object (paradigm). It turns out this simple consideration of others as people is the key to health- ier, more productive relationships. It affects our behaviors toward others and, equally if not more importantly, it affects the receptivity of our behaviors by oth- ers. We know when people are faking it with us. It is hard to do our best work when we feel underappreciated or are suspicious of the other person's motives. No matter how much they smile and nod, when we sense that we are just an object to them the work, and intended results, suffer. And if we can recognize this in others, you must know they can recognize the same in us. Not surprisingly, when one person views the other as an object, it often re- sults in a reciprocating view by the other person. The health and effectiveness of this type of relationship can be described in varying degrees of mediocre, poor, or toxic. RESETTING RELATIONSHIPS So, let's assume you have at least one relationship that could be better. What do you do? Maybe you've tried to be nicer, more attentive, a better listener. As good as those efforts are, they are still behavioral changes. Behavioral changes can fall flat, or invite counterproductive responses when they are viewed skepti- cally (because you are still in the box and the other person feels like an object.) Your actions will not be trusted. To really change the relationship you should start with getting out of the box—seeing the other person as a person. Try to understand his or her needs, motives, and objectives. Look to be as supportive of others as they are to you. Make no mistake, people can have profound differences in convictions, opinions, personalities, and consider- ation of appropriate behaviors. Seeing another person as a person does not mean that you have to accept his or her views or compromise yours. It simply means that the other person still counts, and that should be the basis from which behaviors and communications derive. With some persistence and a little luck, they may even reciprocate and get out of the box for you There is really a lot more to the discussion than can be presented in this space. So, I recommend you read the book. In the meantime, I have a few rela- tionships to which I need to tend. Joe Whitefield is executive director of facilities services at Middle Tennessee University, Murfreesboro, TN. He can be reached at joe.whitefield@mtsu.edu. Each franchise is independently owned and operated. See case studies at: Our proprietary surface refinishing process eliminates costly replacement of leaking showers, damaged tile, vanities, and countertops. Ugly Tile? Leaking Shower Pans? Dated Bathrooms? Call 800 444-8827 for an estimate or referral Book Now for Winter and Spring Renovations! MiracleMethod.com/collegehousing All Work Guaranteed