Issue link: http://digital.corporatepress.com/i/886821
Grace Magazine | Fall 2017 30 After the Loss of a Loved One: The clock read 12:10 p.m. The nurse came and took me aside and said, "Mrs. McCann, I'm Sorry…" I didn't hear anything after that. I felt like I was in a tunnel and my world was crashing down all around me. It was only a few hours ago that I dropped my sweet, sweet baby off at the day care while I went to my first day back at work since he was born three months ago. Surely this nurse wasn't telling me my baby was gone! The first day I leave him, he's gone? Through the black haze that was slowly taking over me, I could see our new babysitter across the hospital waiting room. My eyes must have been shooting daggers at her because I saw my friend whisper to her before the babysitter hurried out the hospital. I never saw her again for a long time after that. Little did she know, I couldn't muster up any feelings for her whatsoever, much less hate. My heart was totally broken. I was filled up to the brim with hurt; couldn't hate her if I tried and God knows, I wanted to. My baby boy was gone. Nothing was going to bring him back. It hurt too much. I thought to myself, "What parent should have to ever know this pain?" Then I asked, "Why me, Lord? Lord, can you just take me too? I can't be in this world without him. Surely everyone will understand. My parents, my husband, my friends—they will all understand that this was just too much for me to bear. What did I do to make you hate me Lord? I just started going back to church yesterday! Doesn't that count for something?" Looking back to the day before—I didn't know God was preparing me for the days to come. It was a Sunday morning and we woke up to snow falling heavily outside. I looked out the window at the covered streets and my buried car and said to myself, "I want to go to church." I By Vilinda C. McCann SURVIVAL IT WAS THEN YOU That I Carried